TWO MUSLIMS AND A CHRISTIAN
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The Quran, the holy book for Muslims
Raziah
Sarah, you and I are Muslim, and Patricia you’re Christian. Specifically, I’m Sunni, and follow the Hanafi school of thought. What specific sects or divisions do you both follow?
Sarah
I'm Shia, and I follow the Twelver Shia sect.
Patricia
I follow the Presbyterian Church.
Sarah
So is Presbyterian a sect of Christianity? How is it differentiated from the other sects?
Sarah, you and I are Muslim, and Patricia you’re Christian. Specifically, I’m Sunni, and follow the Hanafi school of thought. What specific sects or divisions do you both follow?
Sarah
I'm Shia, and I follow the Twelver Shia sect.
Patricia
I follow the Presbyterian Church.
Sarah
So is Presbyterian a sect of Christianity? How is it differentiated from the other sects?
Catholics vs. Christians
Catholics and Christians differ in what they prioritize. Christians believe the Word is the most important, while Catholics hold the Bible and our actions to the same degree of value.
Catholics and Christians differ in what they prioritize. Christians believe the Word is the most important, while Catholics hold the Bible and our actions to the same degree of value.
Patricia
Presbyterianism is a form of Protestant Christianity. It’s very complicated because Catholicism and Christianity are very similar in a sense and there’s also multiple other divisions. I haven’t delved deeper into the specifics of what makes each division different.
Sarah
Do you think you haven’t looked into it because you were brought up in a religious family?
Patricia
Now that I think about it, that’s probably it. There was never really a need or reason to question how Christianity came about because my family always believed it was the right religion.
Presbyterianism is a form of Protestant Christianity. It’s very complicated because Catholicism and Christianity are very similar in a sense and there’s also multiple other divisions. I haven’t delved deeper into the specifics of what makes each division different.
Sarah
Do you think you haven’t looked into it because you were brought up in a religious family?
Patricia
Now that I think about it, that’s probably it. There was never really a need or reason to question how Christianity came about because my family always believed it was the right religion.
Sarah dressed in traditional Islamic attire
Sarah
I’m in a similar boat having been brought up Muslim. I find myself not questioning things or delving as deep into gaining more knowledge because it’s already a part of my identity. It’s similar for me as well as in that the outward practices are more of what is emphasized.
Raziah
Would you say that you’re following your religion because of your family?
Sarah
Yes, I’d say the primary reason I am Muslim is because that’s how I was raised. I grew up going to mosque and Sunday school and my mom always made sure my brother and I kept up with the religion. She’d always tell us to go pray if we hadn’t already, which sometimes made it feel more like a chore. But when I came to college, I started to feel the importance of my religion as a part of my identity. There was no one telling me that I had to do these prayers or follow this religion, but I chose to continue with the practices out of my own will.
Raziah
Did your mom ever check in on you when you were away? Did she ever ask, “Have you been praying or reading the Quran?”
Sarah
Yes, she did, which I guess is a good reminder. When it's constant though, it can get a little annoying. Since I'm home right now she asks me all the time, “Have you prayed?” and lately I’ve told her I don’t need the constant checking in. It’s a good challenge not to have her remind me because then I make myself do it and it becomes a choice rather than a passive habit.
I’m in a similar boat having been brought up Muslim. I find myself not questioning things or delving as deep into gaining more knowledge because it’s already a part of my identity. It’s similar for me as well as in that the outward practices are more of what is emphasized.
Raziah
Would you say that you’re following your religion because of your family?
Sarah
Yes, I’d say the primary reason I am Muslim is because that’s how I was raised. I grew up going to mosque and Sunday school and my mom always made sure my brother and I kept up with the religion. She’d always tell us to go pray if we hadn’t already, which sometimes made it feel more like a chore. But when I came to college, I started to feel the importance of my religion as a part of my identity. There was no one telling me that I had to do these prayers or follow this religion, but I chose to continue with the practices out of my own will.
Raziah
Did your mom ever check in on you when you were away? Did she ever ask, “Have you been praying or reading the Quran?”
Sarah
Yes, she did, which I guess is a good reminder. When it's constant though, it can get a little annoying. Since I'm home right now she asks me all the time, “Have you prayed?” and lately I’ve told her I don’t need the constant checking in. It’s a good challenge not to have her remind me because then I make myself do it and it becomes a choice rather than a passive habit.
Patricia at Sunday service
Patricia
I had some similar experiences since I also come from a religious household. I was introduced to Christianity through my parents, but I don’t think I had many conversations about religion with my mom and dad. My mom sometimes would tell me about her experiences at the church and whether or not she felt inspired by a specific sermon. I would also do the same, but that’s about it. Even though I come from a religious household, I wasn’t really involved in the church for the longest time. It wasn’t until this year that I started to feel more connected with my religion.
Raziah
Growing up, did your family go to Sunday sermons all together? Did you all partake in religious activities together?
Patricia
Yes, I definitely went to Sunday service with my parents, but not anymore. We all used to go to the same church, but now I’m the only one who goes to a different church than the rest of my family. I moved because I didn’t feel like I was a part of the previous community at the time. Other than Sunday service, we had small groups, but with multiple families all together. I would always play around with other kids. We wouldn’t do anything religious like our parents, who were singing and studying the word. I would say that’s where I met most of my friends. I honestly really miss those days because we didn’t care about anything. We would just run around in the forest, play games and joke around. It was always an adventure.
Raziah
I relate to that so much! We used to have gatherings too that were more religious based, and as a kid, we would all just play together. There wasn’t much pressure for us to sit, listen or participate much. It was just us having fun.
I had some similar experiences since I also come from a religious household. I was introduced to Christianity through my parents, but I don’t think I had many conversations about religion with my mom and dad. My mom sometimes would tell me about her experiences at the church and whether or not she felt inspired by a specific sermon. I would also do the same, but that’s about it. Even though I come from a religious household, I wasn’t really involved in the church for the longest time. It wasn’t until this year that I started to feel more connected with my religion.
Raziah
Growing up, did your family go to Sunday sermons all together? Did you all partake in religious activities together?
Patricia
Yes, I definitely went to Sunday service with my parents, but not anymore. We all used to go to the same church, but now I’m the only one who goes to a different church than the rest of my family. I moved because I didn’t feel like I was a part of the previous community at the time. Other than Sunday service, we had small groups, but with multiple families all together. I would always play around with other kids. We wouldn’t do anything religious like our parents, who were singing and studying the word. I would say that’s where I met most of my friends. I honestly really miss those days because we didn’t care about anything. We would just run around in the forest, play games and joke around. It was always an adventure.
Raziah
I relate to that so much! We used to have gatherings too that were more religious based, and as a kid, we would all just play together. There wasn’t much pressure for us to sit, listen or participate much. It was just us having fun.
“Even though I come from a religious household, I wasn’t really involved in the church for the longest time. It wasn’t until this year that I started to feel more connected with my religion.”
a celebration to remember
Iftar
The meal eaten by Muslims after sunset during Ramadan
The meal eaten by Muslims after sunset during Ramadan
Patricia
Are there any specific religious activities or celebrations that you have always enjoyed participating in?
Are there any specific religious activities or celebrations that you have always enjoyed participating in?
Iftar
The meal eaten by Muslims after sunset during Ramadan.
The meal eaten by Muslims after sunset during Ramadan.
Raziah
I loved spending Ramadan in Malaysia, literally nothing else compares. It was so festive. People would decorate the streets and they would sell festive cookies and desserts. You could also go to the mosques there and open your fast because they would serve food there in Ramadan for iftar. My whole family, including my cousins, used to all go to eat and then pray together. I think because Malaysia was a majority Muslim country, the mosques there are funded by the government and can put on events like those. And the mosques themselves were just so beautiful architecturally. Those were such good memories of mine.
I loved spending Ramadan in Malaysia, literally nothing else compares. It was so festive. People would decorate the streets and they would sell festive cookies and desserts. You could also go to the mosques there and open your fast because they would serve food there in Ramadan for iftar. My whole family, including my cousins, used to all go to eat and then pray together. I think because Malaysia was a majority Muslim country, the mosques there are funded by the government and can put on events like those. And the mosques themselves were just so beautiful architecturally. Those were such good memories of mine.
Eid
Eid al-Fitr, celebration that marks the end of the month of Ramadan; aka Muslim Christmas.
Eid al-Fitr, celebration that marks the end of the month of Ramadan; aka Muslim Christmas.
Sarah
That seems so nice. I’d love to experience Ramadan in a community like that. It’s the reverse to what Ramadan is like here. In America, you have to fight for acknowledgement of your religious celebrations, which is unfortunate.
That seems so nice. I’d love to experience Ramadan in a community like that. It’s the reverse to what Ramadan is like here. In America, you have to fight for acknowledgement of your religious celebrations, which is unfortunate.
Sarah and her family celebrating Eid at a mosque
Patricia celebrating Christmas with her extended family
My favorite time of the year is definitely Ramadan too. I love how festive it is and how the whole community comes together for iftar. I find that the whole month just gives me this spiritual uplifting. But definitely the best part is getting to celebrate Eid because our whole community gets together at the mosque to pray and eat a potluck breakfast.
What about you Patricia?
Patricia
Honestly, I wish I had something as festive as Ramadan. I celebrate Easter and Christmas as a Christian, but there’s nothing really special about them. I just go to church, spend time with my immediate family, and worship with them. Although in the past, my extended family celebrated Christmas with us once or twice, and those times definitely felt more festive. But I also wonder if these celebrations would feel more special if my church had a traditional aesthetic with stained glass windows and decorated ceilings. Although, I know that shouldn’t matter.
But one religious activity that I always enjoy is my yearly church retreat because I can learn more about my religion, worship along with my close friends, and meet new church people.
Sarah
I totally relate to you Patricia about the aesthetic of religious spaces. Most of the mosques here are very stripped down and basic architecturally. I wouldn’t say they’re anything special. But because I’ve been so used to the stripped down version, I would love to see what the beautiful mosques are like elsewhere because I would think it would give me a different feeling of spirituality.
Raziah
I’ve found that the mosques in America are more simple and plain. It was a little jarring to see when I first moved here. But it was a good reminder that at the end of the day, you don’t need anything fancy, you just need a space for people to come together.
What about you Patricia?
Patricia
Honestly, I wish I had something as festive as Ramadan. I celebrate Easter and Christmas as a Christian, but there’s nothing really special about them. I just go to church, spend time with my immediate family, and worship with them. Although in the past, my extended family celebrated Christmas with us once or twice, and those times definitely felt more festive. But I also wonder if these celebrations would feel more special if my church had a traditional aesthetic with stained glass windows and decorated ceilings. Although, I know that shouldn’t matter.
But one religious activity that I always enjoy is my yearly church retreat because I can learn more about my religion, worship along with my close friends, and meet new church people.
Sarah
I totally relate to you Patricia about the aesthetic of religious spaces. Most of the mosques here are very stripped down and basic architecturally. I wouldn’t say they’re anything special. But because I’ve been so used to the stripped down version, I would love to see what the beautiful mosques are like elsewhere because I would think it would give me a different feeling of spirituality.
Raziah
I’ve found that the mosques in America are more simple and plain. It was a little jarring to see when I first moved here. But it was a good reminder that at the end of the day, you don’t need anything fancy, you just need a space for people to come together.
in the name of god
Patricia and her brother at Vacation Bible School
Sarah
Patricia, did you go to Sunday school? Or was there a different service you went to on Sundays while your parents went to the main one?
Patricia
There were separate ones for children, teens, and young adults. I would attend those services, while my parents worshipped at the larger sanctuary. But we would combine services when it was a holiday like Easter. We also had a lot of activities and events like Vacation Bible School and Awana, where I participated as a member and later on as a leader. In both extracurricular activities, I would memorize Bible verses and learn worship songs. Did you have Sunday school?
Sarah
I went to Sunday school until the end of high school and it was fine. It eventually became a drag though, having to go every week especially because our mosque is a 45 minute drive from where we live.
Raziah
How old were you when you started going to Sunday school?
Sarah
I was really young. Five, I think? I went until sophomore or junior year of high school. But toward the end, it got to be annoying because I was in high school and had other priorities. I also felt like the friends I made there were pretty religious and I couldn’t be myself around them out of fear of being judged. So in that aspect, there wasn’t much of an incentive to go. However, I do think learning the basics of my religion was important and I don’t regret having gone. Honestly I wish I had paid a bit more attention now. I also had a Quran teacher at one point too.
Patricia
Really, you had an individual teacher?
Sarah
Yes. Once you learn the Arabic letters and how to read with the accent rules, there’s also room for improvement with pronunciation when you read the Quran. That was a lot and it definitely got frustrating at times because in the beginning I was so slow at reading and needed to be corrected more. I think I finished the Quran when I was around 12, which is a big thing in Muslim culture. Usually people get a little party.
What about you Patricia, is reading the whole Bible a big deal for Christians?
Patricia, did you go to Sunday school? Or was there a different service you went to on Sundays while your parents went to the main one?
Patricia
There were separate ones for children, teens, and young adults. I would attend those services, while my parents worshipped at the larger sanctuary. But we would combine services when it was a holiday like Easter. We also had a lot of activities and events like Vacation Bible School and Awana, where I participated as a member and later on as a leader. In both extracurricular activities, I would memorize Bible verses and learn worship songs. Did you have Sunday school?
Sarah
I went to Sunday school until the end of high school and it was fine. It eventually became a drag though, having to go every week especially because our mosque is a 45 minute drive from where we live.
Raziah
How old were you when you started going to Sunday school?
Sarah
I was really young. Five, I think? I went until sophomore or junior year of high school. But toward the end, it got to be annoying because I was in high school and had other priorities. I also felt like the friends I made there were pretty religious and I couldn’t be myself around them out of fear of being judged. So in that aspect, there wasn’t much of an incentive to go. However, I do think learning the basics of my religion was important and I don’t regret having gone. Honestly I wish I had paid a bit more attention now. I also had a Quran teacher at one point too.
Patricia
Really, you had an individual teacher?
Sarah
Yes. Once you learn the Arabic letters and how to read with the accent rules, there’s also room for improvement with pronunciation when you read the Quran. That was a lot and it definitely got frustrating at times because in the beginning I was so slow at reading and needed to be corrected more. I think I finished the Quran when I was around 12, which is a big thing in Muslim culture. Usually people get a little party.
What about you Patricia, is reading the whole Bible a big deal for Christians?
Patricia's Bible
Patricia
I don’t think my parents would ever give me a party if I read the whole Bible, but it’s definitely an achievement. It’s amazing how you read the whole Quran when you were so young because it’s not very common for people even my age to have read the whole Bible.
Sarah
Yes, it’s definitely a lot to get through. And at a young age people may not completely understand the meaning of it either. It is an accomplishment to have read the whole Quran in Arabic but I would definitely want to read and understand it fully in English too.
What about you, Raziah? Did you go to Sunday school or have a Quran finishing party?
Raziah
Honestly none of those! In Malaysia there was always the option of the Sunday school equivalent, but I never went. In school we had Islamic classes in our curriculum, but I would mostly learn about the religion from my mom. She was the one who was actively teaching us about the religion. It’s really funny that you mentioned your Quran teacher because I used to really hate reading the Quran growing up. I know it’s blasphemous to say—
Sarah
Same though.
I don’t think my parents would ever give me a party if I read the whole Bible, but it’s definitely an achievement. It’s amazing how you read the whole Quran when you were so young because it’s not very common for people even my age to have read the whole Bible.
Sarah
Yes, it’s definitely a lot to get through. And at a young age people may not completely understand the meaning of it either. It is an accomplishment to have read the whole Quran in Arabic but I would definitely want to read and understand it fully in English too.
What about you, Raziah? Did you go to Sunday school or have a Quran finishing party?
Raziah
Honestly none of those! In Malaysia there was always the option of the Sunday school equivalent, but I never went. In school we had Islamic classes in our curriculum, but I would mostly learn about the religion from my mom. She was the one who was actively teaching us about the religion. It’s really funny that you mentioned your Quran teacher because I used to really hate reading the Quran growing up. I know it’s blasphemous to say—
Sarah
Same though.
“But it was a good reminder that at the end of the day, you don’t need anything fancy, you just need a space for people to come together.”
Ayat-ul-Kursi, a prayer read for protection
Raziah
It was just so hard for me! Once I got the pronunciation down though, it was better. But I still remember just being so slow at reading. My mom used to be an intense teacher, but I think she was harder on my older siblings. She would make us read one page over and over to perfect it, and then ask each of us to recite it back as a “test.” This was really common when learning, but I just remember it being pretty nerve wracking honestly.
Sarah
That’s intense.
Patricia
I can somewhat relate to that. My mom was an intense teacher too. There were these prayers my mom wanted me to memorize and they would be in Korean. It was hard because I didn’t understand Korean that much as a kid, but I eventually memorized it because I wanted the stickers she gave me every day when I rehearsed it. It was also fun because I was competing against my brother to get more stickers. But every time we didn’t do it, she would get mad at us.
It was just so hard for me! Once I got the pronunciation down though, it was better. But I still remember just being so slow at reading. My mom used to be an intense teacher, but I think she was harder on my older siblings. She would make us read one page over and over to perfect it, and then ask each of us to recite it back as a “test.” This was really common when learning, but I just remember it being pretty nerve wracking honestly.
Sarah
That’s intense.
Patricia
I can somewhat relate to that. My mom was an intense teacher too. There were these prayers my mom wanted me to memorize and they would be in Korean. It was hard because I didn’t understand Korean that much as a kid, but I eventually memorized it because I wanted the stickers she gave me every day when I rehearsed it. It was also fun because I was competing against my brother to get more stickers. But every time we didn’t do it, she would get mad at us.
Surah
Arabic word for chapter or section of the Quran.
Arabic word for chapter or section of the Quran.
Sarah
My mom made us do that too. She’d have me and my brother memorize certain surahs, which are like shorter prayers. One in particular is called Ayat-ul-Kursi, which is a protection surah. My mom had a little paper of it in the side pocket of the car and she made me read it on the way to school. Raziah, did your mom teach you how to pray or make you memorize certain prayers too?
My mom made us do that too. She’d have me and my brother memorize certain surahs, which are like shorter prayers. One in particular is called Ayat-ul-Kursi, which is a protection surah. My mom had a little paper of it in the side pocket of the car and she made me read it on the way to school. Raziah, did your mom teach you how to pray or make you memorize certain prayers too?
Sarah at Sunday school
Raziah
Yes, I think there were parts that I learned from Islamic classes in school. But mostly it was all my mom. She really took that into her role as a mother. I honestly don’t remember much of what I learned in school about Islam. Because in school, I was learning Islam in Malay, and at home I was learning Islam in Urdu. It got kind of confusing with the language changes. So remembering the rules of prayer sometimes became challenging.
Patricia
What are the rules behind prayers? Is there a right way to pray?
Sarah
Yes. I remember in Sunday school, every week the students would take turns leading the prayer and the teachers would watch to correct pronunciation and stance since there are different motions you go through like standing, bowing, and prostration. I remember I was so nervous every time it was my turn. It was so scary.
Patricia
Honestly prayer is a scary thing. Even my dad is still scared of praying at family get togethers and he’s 50. He always passes on the responsibility of prayer to his older brother, using the excuse that the oldest should do it.
Yes, I think there were parts that I learned from Islamic classes in school. But mostly it was all my mom. She really took that into her role as a mother. I honestly don’t remember much of what I learned in school about Islam. Because in school, I was learning Islam in Malay, and at home I was learning Islam in Urdu. It got kind of confusing with the language changes. So remembering the rules of prayer sometimes became challenging.
Patricia
What are the rules behind prayers? Is there a right way to pray?
Sarah
Yes. I remember in Sunday school, every week the students would take turns leading the prayer and the teachers would watch to correct pronunciation and stance since there are different motions you go through like standing, bowing, and prostration. I remember I was so nervous every time it was my turn. It was so scary.
Patricia
Honestly prayer is a scary thing. Even my dad is still scared of praying at family get togethers and he’s 50. He always passes on the responsibility of prayer to his older brother, using the excuse that the oldest should do it.
Dua'a
In Islam, dua'a, means appeal or "invocation." It is a prayer of supplication or request.
In Islam, dua'a, means appeal or "invocation." It is a prayer of supplication or request.
Raziah
So I think we should clarify something for Patricia. The english word “pray” means two different things for us. There’s “pray” as in the daily prayers and then there’s “pray” as in Dua’a.
So I think we should clarify something for Patricia. The english word “pray” means two different things for us. There’s “pray” as in the daily prayers and then there’s “pray” as in Dua’a.
99 Names of Allah
Sarah
Yes, so Patricia those prayers that you memorized in Korean, those are equivalent to our Dua’as which are extra things you memorize and say, but they’re not necessarily a part of the Quran. There are also the five daily prayers. Most of the time people will do the daily prayers and then take a minute to pray informally about whatever is on their mind.
Patricia
That’s very interesting because Christian prayers are mostly the informal ones that you both are mentioning. There’s no scripted prayers that we have to say daily. That’s why prayer is often difficult because you have to get into the practice of doing it even though there’s not really a right way to pray. But there’s a start and the end phrase that is always used in prayer. In the beginning you say, “Dear Lord, or God” or something along those lines, and at the end you say “In Jesus name we pray, Amen.”
Sarah
Praying in general though whether it’s scripted or not can be a challenge to get into the practice of doing. When prayer is scripted it can become more of a passive habit which isn’t great and when it’s more informal it can be hard to even start since there’s no “right” way to do it.
Yes, so Patricia those prayers that you memorized in Korean, those are equivalent to our Dua’as which are extra things you memorize and say, but they’re not necessarily a part of the Quran. There are also the five daily prayers. Most of the time people will do the daily prayers and then take a minute to pray informally about whatever is on their mind.
Patricia
That’s very interesting because Christian prayers are mostly the informal ones that you both are mentioning. There’s no scripted prayers that we have to say daily. That’s why prayer is often difficult because you have to get into the practice of doing it even though there’s not really a right way to pray. But there’s a start and the end phrase that is always used in prayer. In the beginning you say, “Dear Lord, or God” or something along those lines, and at the end you say “In Jesus name we pray, Amen.”
Sarah
Praying in general though whether it’s scripted or not can be a challenge to get into the practice of doing. When prayer is scripted it can become more of a passive habit which isn’t great and when it’s more informal it can be hard to even start since there’s no “right” way to do it.
if only they knew
Sarah
What things do people assume about you because of your religion that you wish they didn’t?
Patricia
I think one assumption that people have of Christians is that we can't really make mistakes because we should be able to strictly follow our Christian values. I’ve heard people say, “How can you say you’re a Christian when you do these things.” But I want people to understand that we’re all human so we’re bound to make mistakes and we’re all in the process of growing.
It’s true that a lot of people fall from church, don't want to even start believing, or learn about Christianity because there's already an assumption that we’re judgemental. People think we’re being hypocrites because we say we love people, but don’t seem to completely accept others. This is partially because they see that we disagree with some societal values, like same-sex marriage. But this doesn’t mean we don’t care for the people who have different beliefs or think of them as inhumane in any way. You may love someone but not completely agree with everything they believe and do. There are definitely a lot Christians who aren’t great examples, but they don’t define the whole religion. And many of us are still learning. I know I’m guilty of being judgmental and so much more, but through my Christian values, I’m able to remind myself to be more kind, selfless, and empathetic.
Sarah
It’s unfair that if you mess up one thing, that somehow automatically disqualifies you from being a good Christian or a religious person.
Patricia
Exactly. What’s an assumption that people have of your religion?
Sarah
A lot of people make assumptions in terms of gender roles in our religion and that men are more in charge than women are, which isn’t true. So many women in Islam were leaders like the Prophet’s wife. She took charge in so many things; she owned her own business and she was actually the one that proposed to the Prophet. I think if people knew more about these kinds of stories, maybe they wouldn’t make those assumptions. Also, many think that women are oppressed in our religion and although that may be the case in some areas of the world, that’s not what the true religion teaches.
What things do people assume about you because of your religion that you wish they didn’t?
Patricia
I think one assumption that people have of Christians is that we can't really make mistakes because we should be able to strictly follow our Christian values. I’ve heard people say, “How can you say you’re a Christian when you do these things.” But I want people to understand that we’re all human so we’re bound to make mistakes and we’re all in the process of growing.
It’s true that a lot of people fall from church, don't want to even start believing, or learn about Christianity because there's already an assumption that we’re judgemental. People think we’re being hypocrites because we say we love people, but don’t seem to completely accept others. This is partially because they see that we disagree with some societal values, like same-sex marriage. But this doesn’t mean we don’t care for the people who have different beliefs or think of them as inhumane in any way. You may love someone but not completely agree with everything they believe and do. There are definitely a lot Christians who aren’t great examples, but they don’t define the whole religion. And many of us are still learning. I know I’m guilty of being judgmental and so much more, but through my Christian values, I’m able to remind myself to be more kind, selfless, and empathetic.
Sarah
It’s unfair that if you mess up one thing, that somehow automatically disqualifies you from being a good Christian or a religious person.
Patricia
Exactly. What’s an assumption that people have of your religion?
Sarah
A lot of people make assumptions in terms of gender roles in our religion and that men are more in charge than women are, which isn’t true. So many women in Islam were leaders like the Prophet’s wife. She took charge in so many things; she owned her own business and she was actually the one that proposed to the Prophet. I think if people knew more about these kinds of stories, maybe they wouldn’t make those assumptions. Also, many think that women are oppressed in our religion and although that may be the case in some areas of the world, that’s not what the true religion teaches.
“When prayer is scripted it can become more of a passive habit which isn’t great and when it’s more informal it can be hard to even start since there’s no “right” way to do it.”
Raziah and her cousins at a “Masquerade” party
Raziah
To go off of that, I was going to say something a little bit more lighthearted in the sense that, I feel that a lot of times, people have this perception that Muslims are serious people. I felt this after moving to the US. People just thought we couldn’t have fun and I would react with, “What do you mean?!” For them, they would wonder, “Do you do this kind of stuff?” to anything remotely entertaining. I would be so confused as to why they would think that way or even ask me that. People get so surprised when they find out you can be funny, because they initially think that you would be more strict and uptight. Maybe they have this thought because of the hijab. And a lot of times people can put this layer of exoticism on us that ends up feeling like, “Oh, you’re different and we’re never going to understand you.” But in reality we’re just normal like everyone else.
Sarah
I feel like people make the assumption that out of the three monotheistic religions, Muslims are the most strict in terms of what we’re allowed and not permitted to do.
That’s just my perception of how people treat the three different religions. I think Christianity is more common in the US and it's not viewed as that restrictive from my perspective and the same goes for Judaism. There just aren’t as many outward displays of practice in other religions compared to ours, which maybe leads people to think in that way.
Patricia
I agree, I think people view Muslims in this way because your religion has a lot of outwardly required practices. And it’s easy for people to assume you can’t have fun or are against having fun because your practices are seen as restricting in their eyes.
But then we should question what we define as being fun. A lot of people associate the word fun with partying and just doing risky things, so in that sense, we as religious people aren’t technically allowed to “have fun.”
Sarah
It’s unfortunate that’s what the definition of fun has become. There are so many other ways to have a good time besides drinking and partying. I often tell my friends that I don’t drink partly because of my religion and because I don’t think alcohol is necessary to have fun. If anything it challenges me to actually have fun without a substance.
Raziah
Some of the most fun parties I’ve been to have been thrown by Muslims, and there’s no drinking involved. Even our weddings are notorious for being so wild. But if we had access to alcohol, our parties would be insane.
But I feel like that would be the same for you too Patricia. I thought Christians were not allowed to drink and party? But I wouldn’t consider Christians to be boring. So why do Muslims get that stereotype?
Patricia
I do get that stereotype, but I think it’s less intense than for Muslims.
Sarah
I think it’s more known that Muslims don’t drink versus Christians. It doesn’t seem to me like as much of a steadfast rule for Christians as it is for Muslims.
Patricia
There are different viewpoints on whether or not Christians should drink. In the Bible, it specifically says not to get drunk so I try not to get to that point, but I still drink from time to time. But some people interpret that information as not drinking at all.
But going back to the definition of what is fun, I do see myself wondering if I should be more adventurous because of what society says. There are times I struggle to be cautious and refrain from doing non-Christian behaviors. But I know that I enjoy life in plenty of other ways and shouldn’t conform to society’s definition of what’s fun. So it was really nice to hear about the parties you’ve been to because I know it’s hard for people to imagine a party without alcohol. I just wish people knew more about your lifestyle because then they may change their perception of Muslims.
Sarah
I can definitely relate to you Patricia. When you’re surrounded by a majority that has one definition of fun it’s easy to question whether you should be participating in those activities too. But, like you said, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy life. For me, there are definitely other activities that don’t involve alcohol that are as much fun if not more fun. I’d much prefer talking to people in a calmer party setting than at a typical college party where there’s a pressure to conform.
Patricia
I agree. I think people just need to be informed that religion is a way of us thinking about how we should treat other people and think about life. Also that it doesn’t consume our whole life, but it’s just something that’s always in the back of our minds.
To go off of that, I was going to say something a little bit more lighthearted in the sense that, I feel that a lot of times, people have this perception that Muslims are serious people. I felt this after moving to the US. People just thought we couldn’t have fun and I would react with, “What do you mean?!” For them, they would wonder, “Do you do this kind of stuff?” to anything remotely entertaining. I would be so confused as to why they would think that way or even ask me that. People get so surprised when they find out you can be funny, because they initially think that you would be more strict and uptight. Maybe they have this thought because of the hijab. And a lot of times people can put this layer of exoticism on us that ends up feeling like, “Oh, you’re different and we’re never going to understand you.” But in reality we’re just normal like everyone else.
Sarah
I feel like people make the assumption that out of the three monotheistic religions, Muslims are the most strict in terms of what we’re allowed and not permitted to do.
That’s just my perception of how people treat the three different religions. I think Christianity is more common in the US and it's not viewed as that restrictive from my perspective and the same goes for Judaism. There just aren’t as many outward displays of practice in other religions compared to ours, which maybe leads people to think in that way.
Patricia
I agree, I think people view Muslims in this way because your religion has a lot of outwardly required practices. And it’s easy for people to assume you can’t have fun or are against having fun because your practices are seen as restricting in their eyes.
But then we should question what we define as being fun. A lot of people associate the word fun with partying and just doing risky things, so in that sense, we as religious people aren’t technically allowed to “have fun.”
Sarah
It’s unfortunate that’s what the definition of fun has become. There are so many other ways to have a good time besides drinking and partying. I often tell my friends that I don’t drink partly because of my religion and because I don’t think alcohol is necessary to have fun. If anything it challenges me to actually have fun without a substance.
Raziah
Some of the most fun parties I’ve been to have been thrown by Muslims, and there’s no drinking involved. Even our weddings are notorious for being so wild. But if we had access to alcohol, our parties would be insane.
But I feel like that would be the same for you too Patricia. I thought Christians were not allowed to drink and party? But I wouldn’t consider Christians to be boring. So why do Muslims get that stereotype?
Patricia
I do get that stereotype, but I think it’s less intense than for Muslims.
Sarah
I think it’s more known that Muslims don’t drink versus Christians. It doesn’t seem to me like as much of a steadfast rule for Christians as it is for Muslims.
Patricia
There are different viewpoints on whether or not Christians should drink. In the Bible, it specifically says not to get drunk so I try not to get to that point, but I still drink from time to time. But some people interpret that information as not drinking at all.
But going back to the definition of what is fun, I do see myself wondering if I should be more adventurous because of what society says. There are times I struggle to be cautious and refrain from doing non-Christian behaviors. But I know that I enjoy life in plenty of other ways and shouldn’t conform to society’s definition of what’s fun. So it was really nice to hear about the parties you’ve been to because I know it’s hard for people to imagine a party without alcohol. I just wish people knew more about your lifestyle because then they may change their perception of Muslims.
Sarah
I can definitely relate to you Patricia. When you’re surrounded by a majority that has one definition of fun it’s easy to question whether you should be participating in those activities too. But, like you said, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy life. For me, there are definitely other activities that don’t involve alcohol that are as much fun if not more fun. I’d much prefer talking to people in a calmer party setting than at a typical college party where there’s a pressure to conform.
Patricia
I agree. I think people just need to be informed that religion is a way of us thinking about how we should treat other people and think about life. Also that it doesn’t consume our whole life, but it’s just something that’s always in the back of our minds.
“But I know that I enjoy life in plenty of other ways and shouldn’t conform to society’s definition of what’s fun.”
a way of life
Muslim prayer rug, used for the five daily prayers
Patricia
How important of a role does religion play in your life?
Raziah
I’m still exploring how much religion plays a role in my life. Yes, it is very important to me, but when I think of the way my mother treats religion, it’s very different from how I think about it. My mom says it should be “a way of life.” Even though I understand that, her approach to religion is also very “God-fearing.” And for the longest time, I thought that was the only approach I could take. But it was through my older brother, I learned that religion can be approached in a “God-loving” way too. I still struggle though, when trying to determine how much I want religion to define my life. But I’ll still always be proud to call myself Muslim.
Sarah
I definitely relate to that too. It’s a constant struggle to figure out how much I want religion to determine how I live my life and the decisions I make. I’d say my mom is similar to yours with the “God-fearing” approach, whereas I’d much prefer a “God-loving” one too. Everyone is different when it comes to religion and you can only do what’s best for you. Do you think you would feel differently if you still lived in Malaysia, where everyone is Muslim?
Raziah
Maybe I would. As a child, it was so normal for the majority to be Muslim, I didn’t have to actively think too much about it. But I don’t want to come off sounding like I don’t want to actively participate in my religion. My mom became a little more strict after we moved to the US in regards to religion. Maybe I just notice it more now that I’m older. And I used to have so much guilt for making mistakes and being “sinful.” But now, I’m more relaxed about it because I know that at the end of the day, I’m still trying and no one can be perfect, and that matters too. Even though it might not be to the level that my mom wants me to be at.
Sarah
I agree. All we can do is keep trying and growing, and I think that’s everyone’s own personal journey. Religion often becomes a part of our lives because of what our parents believe. But at some point, you have to decide for yourself how big of a role religion plays in your life and it’s okay if it looks different from someone else’s.
Patricia
I definitely agree with that. For me and my mom, Christianity acts as a support system in a way where we can talk to someone, in this case, God, and easily receive comfort. Or it acts as a platform where we can reassess our values and the things that we’re doing in life when we need it. But I would say it is harder for me to devote my life to Christianity like my mom, in the sense that it’s difficult for me to depend on God in any situation and do everything for his name.
But I don’t think that this makes me any less Christian than my mom since my relationship with God is a personal and unique one. Overall, there’s no right way of having that relationship and you just need to figure it out as you go.
Sarah
That’s a good point Patricia that there’s no perfect way to have a relationship with God. We are only human and we are going to make mistakes from time to time. But I think it’s interesting that for all three of us, religion serves as a source of comfort and something we can always fall back on in times of hardship and happiness.
How important of a role does religion play in your life?
Raziah
I’m still exploring how much religion plays a role in my life. Yes, it is very important to me, but when I think of the way my mother treats religion, it’s very different from how I think about it. My mom says it should be “a way of life.” Even though I understand that, her approach to religion is also very “God-fearing.” And for the longest time, I thought that was the only approach I could take. But it was through my older brother, I learned that religion can be approached in a “God-loving” way too. I still struggle though, when trying to determine how much I want religion to define my life. But I’ll still always be proud to call myself Muslim.
Sarah
I definitely relate to that too. It’s a constant struggle to figure out how much I want religion to determine how I live my life and the decisions I make. I’d say my mom is similar to yours with the “God-fearing” approach, whereas I’d much prefer a “God-loving” one too. Everyone is different when it comes to religion and you can only do what’s best for you. Do you think you would feel differently if you still lived in Malaysia, where everyone is Muslim?
Raziah
Maybe I would. As a child, it was so normal for the majority to be Muslim, I didn’t have to actively think too much about it. But I don’t want to come off sounding like I don’t want to actively participate in my religion. My mom became a little more strict after we moved to the US in regards to religion. Maybe I just notice it more now that I’m older. And I used to have so much guilt for making mistakes and being “sinful.” But now, I’m more relaxed about it because I know that at the end of the day, I’m still trying and no one can be perfect, and that matters too. Even though it might not be to the level that my mom wants me to be at.
Sarah
I agree. All we can do is keep trying and growing, and I think that’s everyone’s own personal journey. Religion often becomes a part of our lives because of what our parents believe. But at some point, you have to decide for yourself how big of a role religion plays in your life and it’s okay if it looks different from someone else’s.
Patricia
I definitely agree with that. For me and my mom, Christianity acts as a support system in a way where we can talk to someone, in this case, God, and easily receive comfort. Or it acts as a platform where we can reassess our values and the things that we’re doing in life when we need it. But I would say it is harder for me to devote my life to Christianity like my mom, in the sense that it’s difficult for me to depend on God in any situation and do everything for his name.
But I don’t think that this makes me any less Christian than my mom since my relationship with God is a personal and unique one. Overall, there’s no right way of having that relationship and you just need to figure it out as you go.
Sarah
That’s a good point Patricia that there’s no perfect way to have a relationship with God. We are only human and we are going to make mistakes from time to time. But I think it’s interesting that for all three of us, religion serves as a source of comfort and something we can always fall back on in times of hardship and happiness.